Control
by eventidespirit
Summary: Terra leaves the titans in a rage, believing that Beast Boy has betrayed her secret and as she runs away from her problems, she begins to ponder Slade's proposition.


Control

A.N: 

Oh crud!  I've contributed to a cliché.  Many apologies, but it's different from the typical Terra ones, so do give this one a chance if you're tired of the other ones.  It's darker and well just read on…

This was just done in the spur of the moment.  I was originally planning on working on my other fic today, The Misfits, but I decided to write this instead.  I had just finished watching "The Sixth Sense" (not my 1st time watching but man is the music in that movie freaky) and I wanted to get some of that energy out and as I watched the world outside, all covered in ice and snow, ideas began flowing…

And as always, reviews of any kind are all very welcome.

            Anger.

            It burns.

            It flames fiercely within my soul, burning and flaming all my other emotions.  

            He promised me that he wouldn't tell.

            He swore that he dared not speak a word and what does he do?  He tells the whole team of my darkest secret.  

            I don't know how long I've been running, but the lands have changed.  I am no longer surrounded by the blazing canyons, rocks, and crevices, but by coldness, ice, and desolation.

            Running.

            That's what I've always done to escape.  When I lost control in those other cities, that's what I've always done…to run away.

            To run away from all those jeering people, from their heinous laughs, and their yells.  Those words…they've hurt the most.

            "You useless brat!"  "What the heck have you done!" "Our city!  Our gorgeous city, what has happened?"  "Get out, leave!"

            And that's what I've done.  I've always left.  I've always left those numerous cities behind so that they may rebuild and reconstruct on their own, without my menacing.

            That's what I've always been.  A menace.  A troublemaker.  

            All that I have ever tired is to be good; to help others with my powers, but in the end, all that ever happens is loss…a loss of control.  

            There were a group of skiers trapped in their lodge after a huge snowstorm once and I had tried to help.  I concentrated my powers to the earth, the dear earth, and began lifting the ground from underneath them.  They yelped in joy as they felt the ground rise beneath them…they were rising to freedom or so they thought.  I'm not sure what betook me next, but suddenly, I was filled with a great anger…a consuming rage from the earth.  And I heard my element, the soft dirt below, scream of pain and agony.  _They _had been trodden on by humans.  _They _were in pain as we humans built great skyscrapers that towered to the sky.  _They _felt the pains of all the earth about the world…the screams of each grain of sand as the metal dug through its flesh…the skyscrapers' foundations, they were swords that stabbed, stabbed deeply to the core of the earth.  Soil: was it not the bearer of all life?  Was this some way to thank the blessed earth?  And I tried to block these voices, these screams of terror out of my mind, as I tired to save those skiers, but it was already too late.  The earth had erupted into a whirlwind of fury that I had created, that I had caused.  "Save us!  Save us!"  They cried out, but I was the cause of their problems…I couldn't be of any help to them or to anyone else of this world.

            The wind had begun biting at my arms and face.  The snow poured down mercilessly from the sky and I felt it harden…harden into ice and sleet.  I tightened my arms against my body and continued walking forward.  

            I am alone.  So very alone.

_            What of Beast Boy then and the titans?_   _They had taken you in._  

Yes.  They did take me in and they did give me a home for a few nights.  And for a few days, I felt that I could belong.  I did have shelter, warmth, and a family of some sorts with them.  

_"Terra!" _Someone had screamed out my name as I flew within a rocky whirlwind of despair.  I needed to gain control and Slade was wrong…he was terribly wrong…about everything.  _But he was right about one thing…you lack control.  And that could cost you.  _No!  I screamed out in my mind.  He was the enemy.  He was wrong.  He _had _to be wrong…he was just…

_"Terra!" _I heard my name again and this time, I felt warmth.  "_Hang on!"  _Someone was saving me?  I opened my eyes.  Beast Boy?

_"Terra, I'm here for you.  Take my hands.  Trust me."  _And I did.  And for a moment, I didn't feel so alone in this world…this cold harsh world.

The winds continued to mercilessly bite at my face.  But now, I am alone, as I've always been.  And it should be of no surprise.  No surprise at all. 

Trust him?

_You swear you won't tell anyone?_

_Yea, of course, I swear._

And Terra, with enough training, you'll be able to fight better.  I know you have problems controlling your powers…

_Beast Boy?  You told them?  You…you lied!_

And that's all he ever was.  A liar.  They're all liars…the whole lot of them.  I gave them my trust…I gave him my trust and this is how he shows it.  By lying.  

I've never belonged.  I've never belonged anywhere.  Sooner or later, once they find out that I can't control my powers, they turn against me.  

I'm alone.  And I'll always be alone.

Terra, the pariah.

Terra, the failure.

Terra, the unwanted.  

So Slade was right in the end.  He had seen it all along.  The titans weren't my friends.  Look at Beast Boy, he must have stopped liking me once he found out and that's why he told them…that's why he told Robin.  The filthy liar!  

So this is how it's going to end.

Loneliness.

Alone forever.

_But wait, what of Slade?_

What of him?

He said that he'd teach you…teach you how to stay in control.

No, that isn't the price to pay for control.  He's evil, he's the enemy.

_            He's the Titans' enemy.  Not yours.  Not if you don't want him to be._

But still…they did appear to be the heroes.  I felt the wind around me grow stronger and the earth below me begin to rock violently.  No, my powers, they're going haywire again.  Come on, Terra, stay in control.  Calm down.  

             "_You're rough around the edges."  Slade picked up a piece of dirt and began.  "But I can make you" he smashed the crust of dirt in his hand and procured a lovely "shine" diamond._

I wanted to shine.

            I wanted appreciation for once.

            The winds grew even stronger and I saw giant patches of frozen earth fly about me, but I didn't care about losing control anymore because I was in control of great power.

            And besides, it felt good to lose control sometimes…no…. it had always felt great to feel the fury and to hurl these rocks wherever I had pleased.

_            Slade is not my enemy._

            Yes.  He is not the enemy.  The titans, like Beast Boy, were all liars…truculent backstabbers who cared nothing for me at all.   

Suddenly, I heard a sort of strange laughter…no…very disturbing laughter full of hate.  It pervaded through the air, screeching in its malice.  I looked about.  There was no one around for miles…then it had been me.  I felt my body shiver and shake as I stopped a bit…I had been manically laughing…and it felt nice… very nice indeed. 

No.  I was no longer alone.  I had my fury.

Fin


End file.
